Seriously?

This one is for all my editor friends out there. I'm sure you've all experienced frustration with vendors, but I think the following example takes this all-too-common occurrence to a rather ridiculous level. Here is an illustration from a 1st proof I received.
Here is my comment in response to the image: "This boy looks identical to the boy on p. 3. Please change so he looks more like he's doing a kung fu move (or karate chop) and less like he's dancing." Now, keep in mind that the page on which the above illustration appears is page 6; that's only 3 pages away from the first iteration of this boy in the book!

So, guess what I got back in 2nd proof?
I mean, really? When I saw this, my initial reaction was, "If this weren't happening to me, it'd be hilarious." Sigh. Why are good vendors so impossible to find? On the bright side, vendor mishaps and inadequacies can provide an endless supply of laughs (sardonic though they may be) at the office. One of us merely has to say, "hiya!" and ironic hilarity ensues. Gotta look at the silver lining, right? ;P

Probably One of the Strangest Things I've Ever Had to Do for Work

Yesterday morning, I walked into the office to the news that we needed an emergency recording of someone saying the word "toy" in Mandarin (玩具). The vocabulary word was added at the last minute (after the recording of the English-Mandarin pronunciation guide was already done), so we had to scramble and come up with a creative patch job to add the word. Anyway, I was the only Mandarin-speaking person on site that day, so I gamely undertook the task. Oh, and I was supposed to sound like a 6-year-old Chinese boy.

It may seem like a simple enough task, but our office building is not an ideal environment for audio recording. Drooper found out from Facilities that there was a so-called Privacy Room on the third floor, so we headed there with his microphone and digital recorder. The Privacy Room turned out to be a small, dark closet equipped with a chair, a desk, and a phone. I imagine its main purpose was for personal phone calls (since most of us are in cubes). So, we set up and did a couple of takes, but the ambient noise was actually quite loud. See, the Privacy Room was right next to the elevators and a stairwell. As a result, we frequently heard sounds of gears turning, echoing footsteps ("Damn high heels!" Drooper exclaimed), or voices and laughter. Unfortunately, these background sounds got picked up by the mic.

Drooper came up with a way to combat the ambient noise. He said that if I didn't mind, it would help if I threw a jacket over my head & did the recording under the jacket. This project was just getting odder and odder, but hey, it had to be done. So Drooper ran downstairs to get his jacket, and a short while later, I was huddled under a large leather jacket in the weird Privacy Room, saying "玩具" multiple times into a handheld mic. Truly, this had to be one of the most bizarre things I've ever had to do for a job! But, the task was accomplished, so all's well that ends well!

South Park Office

Some weeks ago, I thought it would be fun to send the South Park Studios link to some colleagues. Before I knew it, a viral campaign was underway to get everyone on the team to create South Park avatars! The results were pretty hilarious, so I decided to create a collage showing the avatars of the participants. (This image shows about half of our team.)
Some people took a metaphorical approach, with a few swerving deep into outlandish territory. (The avatar with the horns and blood, for example, was created by a very sweet, calm, quiet girl!) Others took a more literal approach. In fact, it's a little frightening how much some of these avatars resemble their human counterparts! Regardless, it was quite an amusing team-building project.

Baseball Blues and Other Random Thoughts

I had intended to write a rah-rah blog about the Dodgers coming back from down 2 games to even up the NLCS, but a pitching melt-down in the 8th inning precluded that from happening. What a bummer. Now they are down 3-1 in the series, and we're going to need a miracle for our men in blue to pull off an upset. Sigh. Less than 2 hours ago, I was marveling at how wonderful it was to see the NLCS back at Dodger Stadium after 20 years, and how the excitement and elation of the Dodger faithfuls, decked in blue and waving spirit towels, transcended the television set. We need some serious magic from the rally monkey... oh, wait, we don't have a rally monkey. Besides, he probably wouldn't be much help right now, considering how easily the Angels were dispatched by the Red Sox. (Being an underdog fan, I am of course rooting for Tampa Bay in the ALCS.) Anyway, even though he's not their official mascot, maybe the "rally koala" can help the Dodgers turn the series around. Sure, history is against them, but teams have come back from a 3-1 deficit before.

In more cheerful news, it is apparently the 50th anniversary of the first Paddington Bear book! Google doodles are a wonderful thing. Not only do I appreciate the artistry and occasional humor, but they are also very informative! Happy 50th to our favorite bear from darkest Peru!
And one last unrelated comment: I hate fire season.

Speaking of Kawaii Things...

On Saturday, I went to visit my friend Rockhopper. In addition to having lots of fun playing Wii Fit and watching Seinfeld episodes on DVD, we looked through some of her souvenirs from a trip to Japan earlier this year. Among the items was a mini origami notepad from the Osaka Aquarium. You can write notes on one side and then fold the paper into a penguin or sea otter. It really was too adorable for words.
And now let's segue to something that presents a somewhat twisted but very hilarious take on "kawaii-ness." I first learned about Meghan Murphy's Kawaii Not comics months ago at a happy hour gathering after work. One of the senior producers whipped out a very cute, animé-looking book and passed it around. We were each told to tear out one page and share it with everyone. We flipped through the pages amid much laughter, and it was immediately obvious that we all appreciated the "cute gone bad" humor of the 4-panel comic strips. I thought it was so funny that I had to buy a copy for myself (and one for my sister, too). If you like cute stuff with an edge, check out Murphy's Kawaii Not website. A new webcomic is posted every few days.

Lunchtime Adventures

On Monday, three work friends and I decided to go out for lunch rather than get food from the commissary (a fancy, entertainment term for cafeteria). We went to Zankou Chicken and had a nice, relaxing meal in a patio area. On our way back, however, a most unusual thing happened. We were in the right lane, nearing a traffic light, when a large yellow firetruck traveling on the intersecting street made a right turn directly into our lane. Face to face with the imposing fire engine, we pulled to the curb to allow the truck to keep going. (I suppose there is no "wrong way" for emergency vehicles.) To our chagrin, the fire engine moved forward a couple of feet and stopped, effectively trapping our car! Now, how often does that happen?!
The EMT/firefighters got off the truck, pulled on latex gloves, and entered the 99¢ store we were parked next to. (We hypothesized that perhaps someone had passed out in there due to the heat.) This turn of events left us with no recourse but to walk across the street to the 7-Eleven and get some ice cream for dessert. Though no one asked about our long lunch, I think we had a damn good excuse for coming back late (and photographic proof, too!).

The following day, six of us piled into a rental mini-van and went to Katsuya, a Japanese restaurant at the Americana shopping center, for lunch. The presentation was lovely, but the food was just okay and a bit on the pricey side. Unfortunately, the wait was very long (particularly for my order, a simple teriyaki salmon lunch). My Sr. Producer actually had to call our writers and move our one o'clock meeting back an hour because there was no way we'd make it, given the slow service. (Even with the extra hour, we were still a few minutes late.) The most vocal of our troupe, who happens to have experience running restaurants, complained to the waitress about the excessive wait, and the restaurant ended up comping my entrée. (Later, I skimmed the postings on yelp and found this to be common practice at Katsuya, at least the one in Glendale.)

Anyway, the most memorable (i.e., strangest) part of this dining experience was seeing the bathroom design. It is super dark, with very limited glows of light. The stalls were almost darker than the common area in the bathroom. It felt eerie and claustrophobic. The mirrored walls added to the bizarre effect. By far the oddest feature of the bathroom was the main mirror above the sinks, where two creepy geisha faces in stark, ghostly white would fade in and fade out. I mean, this is a restaurant, not a haunted house. What is the purpose of scaring the heck out of your customers? Does fear increase people's appetite? This just seemed like an extraordinarily strange gimmick. Here are some online quotes I found about the infamous bathroom mirror (courtesy of postings on yelp and Chowhound):

• beware if u go to katsuya- i ran out from the bathrooms screaming (scary-as-hell-mirrors).
• DO NOT LOOK STRAIGHT INTO THE BATHROOM MIRROR AT KATSUYA!!!!! I didn't think the food was that bad, but I would never go into the bathroom by myself again.
• I went in to wash my hands and suddenly a face appeared in the mirror (that wasn't mine) and scared the HELL out of me. I guess whenever someone flushes a lighted face shows up? It was definitely memorable.

To help you visualize, here's an amateur video I found of the mirror (though it doesn't quite capture the creepiness of the live experience):

Katsuya Restroom

The sinks, I will allow, were very cool...

Garfield Minus Garfield

Rockhopper sent me this link, and I found it hilarious, so I thought I'd share. Who knew that the Garfield comic strip could still stand on its own even when its orange tabby star is digitally removed? Enjoy!

http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/

My Infamous Quote Board

I've been meaning to post this photo of my Factorie office quote board in its final state prior to erasure. Caught up in the busy whirl of my new career as a freelancer, I kept forgetting to upload the image. So, here, at long last, it is. (Click on the photo to see it larger.) Ah, fun times! ;P

Return to the World of Harry Potter

Last Spring, KPGirl told me she was rereading the first 6 books in the Harry Potter series in anticipation of the release of book 7. I thought that was a fabulous idea, so I decided to do the same before reading the finale. I am, however, a bit of a dawdler, and there were too many things going on and too many other books I was reading, so I conceded that I probably wouldn't make it to book 7 until summer of 2008. But, I didn't mind. I wasn't in a hurry to find out what happened; I just needed to turn a deaf ear and blind eye to whatever spoilers were floating out there.
The first two books were quick reads that I finished in late summer. I enjoyed them, but not as much as the first time, when J.K. Rowling's magical world was brand new to me. Then, a bit of a lull happened, which was perhaps a bit odd since book 3 had always been my favorite. Two months ago, however, I got into a Harry Potter fix: I watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on DVD and reread books 3 and 4 in a fairly short span of time. Now, I'm in a bit of a lull again. This time, it's not surprising at all considering book 5 is my least favorite. (In a rare occurrence, I actually found I liked the movie better than the book!) I am 558 pages into it and still have 300+ pages to go.

Despite the slow-going of book 5, I have enjoyed revisiting the Harry Potter books. Knowing subsequent events and connections made me notice many details and set-ups that I missed the first time. Since I'm rereading all these books in paperback format, I also found that a sequential error in the original hardback of book 4 had been fixed! (Harry's parents now emerge from Voldemort's wand in the correct order.) As an editor, I find this interesting and amusing. See? Things do get fixed in reprints!

Since I am in the midst of book 5, I must include the following images for my Factorie friends who are not Harry Potter readers. These are the talented Mary GrandPré's illustrations of the detested Professor Umbridge (aka Umbrage). She is described as resembling a large, pale toad. Is this not apt?

Graduation Day (and One Last Assigment)

I am overwhelmed by all the heartfelt well wishes, support, and happy sentiments expressed by my fellow Factorie friends. Lest I get overly maudlin here, I will try to keep this short and sweet: Thank you all for your warmth, kindness, humor, and understanding throughout my tenure at Ye Olde Textbooke Factorie. Your friendships have enriched my life in immeasurable ways, and though I know these bonds will continue, I shall miss those daily office interactions! You are such a fun, talented, awesome, and genuinely good group of people. I feel blessed to have met and known you. =)

It is worth a mention (because I know some of you are curious) that during this last week, Madame and the Principal said nary a word to me about my impending graduation. Perhaps it is fitting that I leave in the same invisible manner that I existed in their world. The school counselor, however, did invite me into her office to have a little chat at the end of the day. I will admit that I'd been having an existential debate about what, if anything, I should say. Some statements, gently and diplomatically couched, did emerge from my lips during our conversation. I'm not sure what good or harm those words might do, but I can't call them back now. Ah well!

Before I sign off as a Factorie member and fully embrace my sabbatical, I offer you my final chapter in the Billy Goat Chronicles: Azazel's Adventures, Part III. Only's Only & KPGirl, I leave you to continue the photo-biography of this remarkable goat's life!

Azazel founds, chairs, and implements the Welcome Baaack Committee just in time to greet KPGirl on her return from a well-deserved vacation.

Foraging through the office labyrinth yields some tasty greens.

On one of his expeditions, Azazel ventures into the Office of Darkness and is maliciously attacked by a chupacabra.

During his convalescence, the billy goat picks up some new talents. Watch for Azazel on the World Poker Tour.

Azazel's Vindication

They snubbed him at the Office Holiday Film Festival, but he would not be silenced. Using all the resources at his command, Azazel has found a way to bring his performance to the people. This is for all you Factorie workers who were disappointed at the party. (And if you happen to be a non-Factorie reader of this blog, please indulge--or ignore--this little piece of mad frivolity!)



P.S. Many thanks to Prillis for humoring me and reprising her rousing rendition of the Dreidel Song. This parting gift is much appreciated! ;P

Feelin' Twirly

As the countdown continues toward my last day at the Factorie, I've been scrambling to get in some annual check-ups. Yesterday morning was the eye appointment. Every year, I come out of this appointment thinking about the South Park episode where Cartman has to wear these weird looking glasses, and his doctor doesn't trust him to keep them on, so he staples them to Cartman's head. Now, nothing nearly so drastic has ever happened to me at the ophthalmologist's office, but I always feel a bit twirly after having my eyes dilated. (I think the picture here captures quite well how I felt yesterday!)

I am certainly glad that I exhibit no signs of glaucoma or cataracts, but surely there must be a better way to check for these diseases. Think about it: they dilate your eyes, shine bright beams of lights at you, and then send you to pick out new glasses when your vision is completely wonky. I shudder to think of what my new glasses will actually look like when they're ready. (Okay, I'm exaggerating. I picked out a pair with a thin wire frame in a metallic pinkish purple. They seemed very cute... at least they did to my badly focused eyes.) Afterward, I drove to work (thankfully a short drive) and spent the rest of the morning squinting and seeing white glows around everyone. It's quite a trippy experience. Though my normal vision returned by the afternoon, it came with an attendant headache. Well, at least I got it over with. I'm certainly glad that this particular brand of twirliness comes only once a year!

P.S. If you wish to create your own South Park avatar, go to http://www.sp-studio.de/

Matzo, Matzo Ball

As you know, I was waging a war last weekend against a relapse of my cold. My main tactics involved staying in, not doing much, and sleeping a lot. I did venture out on Saturday evening to acquire additional artillery: homemade chicken soup with matzo ball from Weiler's Deli. The item had been on my mind since my friend Rockhopper suggested it. I'd only had matzo ball soup once before, when Rockhopper and I visited New York in 2006. I was expecting more of the same, but I was quite surprised when I got home. Opening my to-go bag, I found one tub of chicken noodle soup and one tub of matzo balls. Make that one tub containing two matzo balls. Two ginormous matzo balls.
The above photo shows part of my leftovers. (To give you an idea of the proportion, the tureen used here is approximately 8 inches in diameter.) As you can imagine, it took quite a while (3 or 4 meals) to finish the daunting matzo balls; the chicken soup, however, disappeared at a much faster rate. Much as the canon-ball-sized matzo amused me, it didn't seem well thought out on a gustatory level.

P.S. The title of this blog should be sung to the tune of the Village People's "Macho Man." This connection was inspired by a video that my friend the self-proclaimed EvilRedhead forwarded me.

"What Is That? A Super Goat?"

So quoth my brother-in-law upon seeing this image of our office scapegoat on my digital camera. Well, I'm sure Azazel would be flattered to be considered a Super Goat, but 'tis only his humble self bedecked in holiday finery (and my scarf) as he assumed the role of a yule goat over the Christmas and New Year breaks. What is a yule goat, you say? Here is wikipedia's explanation: "The Yule Goat is one of the oldest Scandinavian and Northern European Yule and Christmas symbols and traditions. Yule Goat originally denoted the goat that was slaughtered around Yule, but it may also indicate a goat figure made out of straw. It is also used about the custom of going door-to-door singing carols and getting food and drinks in return, often fruit, cakes and sweets. 'Going Yule Goat' is similar to the British custom wassailing, both with heathen roots." See? I didn't make it up! I love the photos included on wikipedia's yule goat page, so I shall link to them here for your enjoyment.














I realize that it is well past the yule, but a miserable cold laid me out flat for almost a week. I spent the last several days of my vacation in a kind of illness-fogged stupor. Although writing produced during that kind of mental haze may have proved interesting (or downright bizarre), I was too enervated to attempt it. I'm still not sure how I dragged myself back to work this Thursday last. Thankfully, the weekend (though wet) was just around the corner, and I finally feel more or less myself again. So, that is my excuse for this belated entry on yule goats and my belated wish to everyone for a 2008 filled with health, happiness, and good fortune.

Azazel's Adventures, Part II

Many apologies to Azazel's devote followers for the delay in this posting. I hope you'll find the latest installment in our billy goat's adventures to be worth the wait.

Distraught after being cut from the Holiday Video, Azazel succumbs to a weekend of irresponsible drinking.

Tragedy comes in pairs. Missing his owner while she travels to Ohio for a surprise family visit, Azazel indulges in a spate of tears and self-pity.

Feeling much more himself, Azazel gives it a go as a beatnik poet. Hey daddy-o...

I actually have another photo of our beloved scapegoat, but I think it merits an entry all on its own, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait until I return from San Diego for it. ;P I remain, your faithful chronicler, Aire.

Livestock Free for 23 Days...

Alas, the streak stops here. I've been so proud of the fact that in recent weeks, I managed to write about topics besides livestock and animal husbandry. (See previous animal-themed entries.) However, those stealthy alpacas have resurfaced again! Last Sunday evening, I was channel surfing when images of alpacas suddenly appeared on the screen. I did a double-take because it was not a nature show, but a contemporary comedy. I could not figure out what the show was about from the bits I saw... only that the episode dealt with pranks and family-owned alpacas. I've since learned that what I witnessed was the last few minutes of a CW sitcom called Aliens in America. The following day, KPGirl brought in her alpaca finger puppet! It really is quite adorable, and I can see why it made an effective focal point during labor. Doesn't this woolly little camelid just make you want to smile?

When An Old English Epic Goes Hollywood

At first glance, Robert Zemeckis's Beowulf does not seem like my kind of film. At second glance, well, it's still not my kind of film, but there are definitely elements that both intrigue and appall me. The "performance capture" technology and the look of the film appeal to me on an aesthetic level. And, since I am not always a purist when it comes to the literary canon, it does interest me to see modern interpretations of the classics. When done well, it can be intellectually and emotionally stimulating. Now, I must say that I remember very little of Beowulf from my college reading: hero kills monster Grendel, saves kingdom, fights dragon, receives mortal wound, dies. Since it made so little impression on me, I am not one of those people who can exclaim with righteous indignation, "What have you done to England's national epic?!" Nevertheless, just from seeing the commercials, visiting the website, and doing some surfing, I found several things troubling about this film.

I realize that when one watches a film, there is a silent compact to suspend disbelief. Given that this is a fantasy epic, that would go double. I also realize that the majority of Hollywood films must meet a required dosage of violence and sex. But, really, stiletto heels on Grendel's mom?
Played by Angelina Jolie, Ma Grendel is re-imagined as a beautiful siren appareled in liquid gold. I guess she needed to top Beowulf's leather loincloth. I also cannot get past that we are supposed to easily accept the sultry seductress as the mother of the deformed lump of flesh that is Grendel. It seems a bit ridiculous.




--begets?!-->






The funniest article I came across about Hollywood's latest plastic (make that CGI) surgery on a literary classic was titled "Angelina Jolie, Boobs, Star in Beowulf." It actually made me think of the medicine woman from The Simpsons Movie.
In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "Thank you Boob Lady" for providing fodder for my blog.

Azazel's Adventures

Allow me to introduce the latest addition to our office coterie, Azazel the Scapegoat. The creation of Only's Only and her artist husband TJ, Azazel joined our staff two weeks ago. There really could not be a more appropriate mascot for our department. Brilliantly wrought of papier–mâché, paint, and yarn, this scapegoat captured our hearts and tickled our funny bones the second he arrived. An overachiever, Azazel has already accomplished much in his very young life--approximately 16 days. To read about his birth, visit Only's Only's blog. Here, I offer a photo journal of Azazel's adventures thus far.

Azazel's papier–mâché body drying upside down during the birthing process.
Photo courtesy of Only's Only.

Settling in to his perch at the office, a mere 2 days after he was born.

Hosting his first office book club.
As you can see, he is already popular with some of the office regulars,
PJ (Pooh Junior) and Tux.

Directing his first film, Kidman.
He bears a striking resemblance to his predecessor, Cecil B., does he not?

Stepping in to fill my shoes while I take some much-needed vacation days to de-stress.

P.S. If you wish to know the origin of his name, hie yourself to Wikipedia's explanation of scapegoat.

Llama Count

Okay, this is getting slightly ridiculous, and I'm sure people are starting to think that I have a camelid obsession. After all, since this blog's inception, there have been (counting this entry) four posts featuring llamas. That means llamas have appeared in nearly 24% of my posts thus far. It is, admittedly, rather absurd. But really, I think the llamas are hounding me, not the other way around! Cases in point:

1. Last night, I was watching the Laker game on TV with my parents. Now, my parents are avid NBA fans, and they naturally have nicknames for some of the players. These, however, are not your average sports nicknames like T-Mac, KG, or AI. These nicknames are phonetically inspired, and they may be English or Taiwanese in nature. For example, Vlade Divac's last name sounds fairly similar to the Taiwanese phrase for pork meat, so that's what we used to call him. And Gary Payton's last name resembles the Taiwanese phrase for mailbox (not the private kind like the ones in front of homes, but the big public kind outside of post offices and on busy streets). It was, then, a humorous and fortuitous "convergence of events" when both Payton and Karl Malone were signed by the Lakers for the 2003-2004 season. (For non-NBA fans, Malone's actual nickname was "the Mailman." Mailman delivers to the Mailbox, get it? It's funnier in Taiwanese.) Anyway, my dad's nickname for Lamar Odom is much simpler and more obvious: llama (of course). So, we're watching the game and cheering on Odom with calls of "llama!" when Dad segues to a discussion of real llamas, those of the animal variety. He starts telling me how he began liking llamas after seeing a llama show on TV. No, not an Animal Planet or National Geographic or PBS special about llamas. I'm talking about a llama version of the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Dad goes on to describe how beautifully groomed the llamas were, having no idea just how prominently llamas have figured in my peer conversations (and in my blog) in recent weeks. Today, I googled "llama show," and sure enough, the first hit was for the ALSA: the Alpaca Llama Show Association. Not only do people raise llamas and alpacas for their fibers, they apparently compete with them in the animal equivalent of beauty pageants. Who knew?
   
2. Today, KPGirl sent me a link to a book cover she saw over the weekend. It is just too crazy for words, so I'll let the images speak for themselves. (In case your eyes are drawn to the other amazing gadgets, I included another picture in which the llamacycle takes center stage.)
   

As fun and surreal as all the llama sightings have been, I rather hope this is the last we'll see of these camelids for a while. When I began this blog, I had no idea it would go down this road!

Lessons in Animal Husbandry (and Other Random Things I've Recently Learned)

1. llama (m.) + alpaca (f.) = huarizo
2. llama (f.) + alpaca (m.) = misti
3. horse (m.) + donkey (f.) = hinny
4. horse (f.) + donkey (m.) = mule
5. A male donkey is called a jack.
6. A female donkey is called a jenny.
   
7. Though ass is often used as a synonym for donkey, it technically refers to "any of several hardy gregarious African or Asian perissodactyl mammals (genus Equus) smaller than the horse and having long ears; especially : an African mammal (East asinus) that is the ancestor of the donkey" (per Merriam-Webster).
8. The ass is an endangered species. In fact, the African wild ass is listed as "Critically Endangered" by the World Conservation Union. According to a 2003 "ass headcount," there are apparently no asses in the United States. (I'm sure many would dispute this statement.)
9. Peppermint Patty's real name is Patricia Reichardt. I have no idea why Marcie called her "Priscilla" in A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.
   

Lunchtime conversations at work and the ensuing research they inspire certainly yield fascinating results.