A Bouquet of Daisies

Due to the Country Music Awards, I wasn't able to get my weekly fix of Pushing Daisies tonight. So, I thought I'd relive the show's finest verbal moments by listing some of my favorite quotes thus far. A bouquet of Daisies quotes, if you will. (No, I do not have a photographic memory. Yes, I am enough of a geek that I re-watched the episodes online to jot down quotes. But, to be fair, I also re-watched the episodes simply to enjoy them.) Anyway, here goes.

1. Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
   Olive: Me too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food. (pause) I don’t think that anymore.
2. Chuck: I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me.
3. Narrator: In fact, Emerson Cod had finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.
4. Olive: This isn't Pies 'R Us, Pie City, or Thousands of Pies in One Place. This is a bells-on-the-door, pies-baking, mom-and-pop place. We chit-chat here. Chit!
5. Ned: What's so great about knowing? When you lift up a rock, do you find whipped cream? No, you find worms. I say no to knowing.
6. Chuck: You love secrets. You want to marry secrets and have little half-secret half-human babies.
7. Mark Chase: The Dandy Lion car is the culmination of my life's work. It's a flower-powered phenomenon born of a thousand sleepless nights, intense Ritalin abuse, and a long sublimated interest in botany. So what if in the unlikely but not impossible event that the car gets up to a speed of 70 miles an hour, with the headlights on, and the seat warmer on low, a short circuit in the radio causes a cataclysmic chain reaction that blows the car and its precious human cargo to smithereens?
8. Narrator: Emerson Cod did not like to knit in public, but he often left the house with the needles in his pocket should an opportunity to rib-stitch a ski cap present itself.
9. Chuck: Remember, mind over matter makes Pooh un-fatter.
   Emerson: I may be stuck, but I can still reach my gun.
10. Chuck: Kick, Pooh, kick!
11. Wilford Woodruff: I think you should know that I was thrice named alternate sword master at the southern area regional volunteer infantry reenactment regiment.
    Ned: I wanted to be a Jedi.
12. Ned: I'm gonna see if I've got some plastic wrap.
13. Emerson: Is that a dead bird? Why are you holding a dead bird? Throw that away. It's swimming with disease, and you serve food!
14. Emerson: What is the rate of exchange on the life of a bird? Because if it's equal to or greater than mine, I need to get back to my car.
15. Ned: It's raining dead birds!
16. Emerson: Because Big Daddy needs some new yarn.
17. Ned: He's not Conrad; he's the hijacker. And he's going to the bathroom in my kitchen!
    Chuck: Boy, you miss one trip to the morgue.
18. Ned: Good news is you're not blind. Bad news is you're dead.
19. Ned: Why did they send it to Nam? Do the Vietnamese need windmills?
    Chuck: NARM--National Area of Retired Mills.
20. Elsita: Oh no, you didn't use bows to tie me up, did you? You take a hostage like you tie your sneakers!
21. Olive: Ned hates Halloween, you know. Makes him moodier than a pumpkin full of PMS.
22. Ned: They put a bomb in your daybed?
23. Emerson: His goat killed you?
24. Olive: Sweet Secretariat.
    Emerson: That don't look like John Joseph.
    Olive: A horse with no name.
    Emerson: Or legs.
    (shudder)
25. Chuck (to Digby): You know what we are? We're the walking dead on Halloween.
26. Chuck: First of all, huh? And secondly, Olive thinks that I faked my death, which is completely different to knowing that I'm dead.
    Emerson: Yeah, different like purple and mauve.
27. Mama Jacobs: Well, you wouldn't need all that bait if your belly were full of fish, dear.
28. Vivian (about weekly pies): I don't know how we survived without it. It's like a sex addiction. I would imagine.
29. Chuck: What if he changes when his blood sugar level drops?
    Olive: Like a hypoglycemic werewolf!
30. Olive: Tell Ned I love . . . his pies.
31. Emerson: I love you, shovel!
32. (doorbell)
    Vivian: Is that clock right? It's two o'clock in the a.m.!
    Lily: I'll get my gun.
    Vivian: And I'll get the candy bowl.